Saanika with 2 'A's

  BLOOD Pakkaran lived in a small country side of the Travancore kingdom. He was a pulayan which meant he went to bed hungry while working for the upper caste family. He was so talented in cooking that his masters The Namboodiris let him cook food despite their sacred untouchability!   Pakkaran lived in a shaggy old shed near the pristine cow shed of the Illam. He often wished he could trade his life with that cow! But unfortunately he was just a lower caste nobody! Pakkaran never understood the logic of untouchability. The Namboodiris seemed to use it as they pleased! They always commanded him not to 'decontaminate' them, they often harassed him while self proclaiming themselves “pure bloods”. “Then how come they could devour the rice that he washed with his bare hands after cleaning the cow shed! How could the younger Namboodiri do all those things to Nalini?” Pakkaran’s crude brain always burned out in exhaustion. Pakkaran dared not raised his voice against it. Because ...

 FALLEN LEAF I wore a tender green dress When I was born close to heaven, Up high on the crazy old tree, Far too far from human world!   I was still young on that windy night! I was so scared on that winter dark, It shook my home root to tip! It took my friends far away!   Then the sun and rain came! I was dark green and beautiful, I shone like emerald in the sun! I sparkled in the moonlit rain!   I was dressed in gold on my autumn day! I glowed like the bride on wedding day! The wind came and picked me up, He took me for my very first ride!   I could feel the way I flowed! Gracefully descending to the earth! I have heard stories from the roots, I was so nervous to meet her!   At last! I hugged the soil with no hurry, She was so soft and sweet and mushy! She smelled like the monsoon rain, She felt like the fluffy clouds!   And here at last my journey ends! I am waiting for my crumble down! ...

  [TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF RAPE] I could feel something wet between my legs, It’s the blood dark, cold and red! I am trying to breathe, my chest is burning! Help! I am naked and cold!   Everywhere hurts, I am all alone, I am bleeding, I am crying, I am dressed in wounds! Hear me world, I have no strength left!   The last glimpse of green meadows- Are filled with this terrific black! The soft grass I loved, Feels like a million swords!   Help! Sense my absence! I can’t scream! They have chopped my tongue! They took my eyes, everything is darkness! I am blind now like the world!   Death! Take me to my sisters and my mothers, To the one who knows my pain! I want to hug them and Know I am safe in Heaven!   I dare not see the God, The one who let this happen! I dare not see anyone who- Let this happen to us!   Close your eyes! Chop off your ears! Say nothing of what happened ,world! Bury me...

CLEAR BLUE SKY   It's a clear blue sky, With sky blue blues and Pure  white clouds and Butterflies flying around! It was grey and gloom, For a very long time, And I saw the sun today It feels like a long time! Now the tears have drained away And the wind has cleared the grey! There is no time for grief, Let's run down hills with glee! Ooh! I can still feel the damp! The one from yesterday's storm! Its water everywhere and- It shines like million diamonds! It was really dark for days all long, And everyone have gave up hope, Then you see the clear blue sky! I knew she would figure it out! Now all the dust has washed off! The world have quenched her thirst, Everything is polished new! It's time to  start again! Bid farewell to rain! For cleansing things alright! And say hello to the sun, the flowers, The clear blue sky and let's  smile again! SAANIKA S LAL [its a wonderful day to start new! the skies are clear and the sun is shining! stop dwelling on the stormy ye...

 HYPOCRITE I am a hypocrite! I talk about both sides, I don't know why, but- I see everything in everyway! And ooh! dear its hard, taking decision is way too hard! when all that matter is me, I sympathize with my torturers! when I ought to run away    for  my  sanity and happiness, I tend to stay in the darkness! letting it in and ruining my colors! I am a hypocrite! I talk about self love- and I do things  selflessly ! I say one thing and do the other!   I close the door for good, but peak in once a while! I tend to leave it open, when it ought to be locked! I am a hypocrite! I say to love oneself! when I loath myself! I say one thing and do the other! I am a hypocrite! who smiles a lot to hide- and cries beneath that hide! and lives a world of lie! SAANIKA S LAL [ We all are hypocrites in some point of our lives! we say one thing and do the other! this hypocrisy is very common when its about treating oneself! we give out compassion and love to others...

 THE FALL Two young girls stood near a huge precipice. the view was splendid with pink skies and clouds that looked like cotton candy. The pink mushy cushions layered the fall keeping what lays beneath a mystery. But they had little time to enjoy the view because there was a decision to be made . "what should we do?" the one with teary eyes asked. "whatever we do, we do that together ! ok ? " the other one said. Her eyes were also wet but it was glistening with anger and defeat. "Grey! do we have to jump? I mean look around, its beautiful! and they will come too! they will take us home!" Hope replied with her watery eyes half believing in her fantasy. "Hope! I am looking around! There is nothing but this rock! if we stay, we are stuck here forever! we should jump! The uncertainty is  better than your faithless dream!" "Please" her once wonderful eyes was brimming with helplessness," please! lets give them a last chance! they will r...

 DEAR GIRLS,ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! Someone did something bad- and the victim wore a short dress! they said its because of the dress, and asked me to never wear one! A monster  took a women's life, but she was all covered up in a burka! they said its because she was a woman, and  asked me to never be one! A scoundrel destroyed a little girl, but she was far from being a woman! and they blamed her parents,its their fault! and asked my parents to watch out! A working woman was too tired, she went outside for a late night walk! and when it happened to her,It was her fault! they asked me to stay inside! A college girl, stayed home, but she raised her voice against injustice, and then it happened to her,it was her fault! they said to keep my mouth shut! Its easier to blame her, than to face the flaw in us! its easier to keep quite, than to do something about it! Now a girl is afraid to show her bra strap, her period blood stain, her breasts,her body, she can't show anything that m...

 THE SAME OLD LOOP The same old  loop, just repainted and shinier , Aaah! thought I would never realize! Oh dear! I've known you my whole life! Its always the same roller coaster ride I have learned every curves, all your drops and winding! fate! try something new! You where clever this time, replacing black with white, grey with yellow, lighting the room, bringing the pink! truly a very genius move! I almost thought this was new, bubbles instead of arrows  was ingenious ! but you forgot to disguise that traumatizing fall! I would sense it in my sleep, I would recognize it- with eyes closed and ears chopped! I'm sorry friend ! better luck next time! SAANIKA S LAL [ Hiii! this is officially our 15th post!yeaay!! we all have life incidents that often reoccur constantly! however we try to lure away from it we often end up in the same spot! and there are other scenarios where we always come back to the same spot without even realizing it.life sometimes trap us insid...

 MY WISH THAT WILL NEVER FULFILL TO  BISHOP MOORE VIDYAPITH AND  MY WONDERFUL TEACHERS💖 I dream  to play with animals! I dream to dance in the rain! I dream to eat wild fruits! But my life is to  breathe polluted air! my life is to sit aside with plastic toys!  my life is to take  in umbrella in rain! my life is to taste poison and dirt! my life is to live in an unhappy polluted world! SAANIKA S LAL [helooooooi! I am back! I dedicate this one to my dearest "fan"😜 Aziiiiiii💖koch paranja karnam anatto ithu postunne💖 you could say 12 year old me predicted the future😕. ennalum   look at that repetition,imagery and rhythm! I wrote this when I didn't know there were things such as poetic devices (enna cheyana njen oru pro aai pooi😁😜) i was not posting for a while! it was not because I wasn't writing,it was because I didn't want to share them😅 they were kind of dark and sad and depressing and I wanted to spread unicorns and rainbows in ...

ക്ലാസ്സ്മുറി  സൂര്യൻ കത്തിജ്വലിക്കുന്നുണ്ടായിരുന്നു .പൂക്കൾ വിടർന്നു നിന്നു .പൂമ്പാറ്റകൾ ഓടി നടന്ന വഴികളിൽ വണ്ടുകളും പറന്നു .പ്രകാശപൂരിതമായ ആ ക്ലാസ് മുറിയിൽ ഞാനും കവയിത്രിയുമായിയുള്ള ബന്ധം സ്ഥാപിക്കപ്പെട്ടു .അധ്യാപകൻറെ ശബ്ദം അക്ഷരങ്ങളിലൂടെ ഒഴുകിനീങ്ങി .ആ വരികൾ കൊണ്ട് ഒരു മായാവലയം അയാൾ സൃഷ്ടിച്ചു. ഒരു റോസാപ്പൂവിൻറെ കഥയായിരുന്നു അത്.ഓരോ വരികളും അവളുടെ മനോഹാര്യതയെ തഴുകി.അവളെ ആരാധിക്കുന്ന പൂമ്പാറ്റകൾ ആയി കുട്ടികൾ മാറി.അവർ തത്തിപ്പറന്ന് ആ മലരിനെ വട്ടമിട്ടു. തിളങ്ങി നിന്ന സൂര്യൻറെ കീഴിൽ രക്തനിറമുള്ള റോസാപ്പൂ നിവർന്നു നിന്നു .എല്ലാവരുടെയും ചുണ്ടിൽ ആ മനോഹരകാഴ്ചയാൽ പുഞ്ചിരി വിടർന്നു.പക്ഷെ എൻറെ മുന്നിൽ  പ്രത്യക്ഷമായത്‌  സൂര്യപ്രകശം അല്ല മറിച്ചു ഒരു ഇരുണ്ട മുറിയിരുന്നു.അവിടെ ,ആ ഇരുളിൽ രക്തത്തിൽ കുളിച്ചു അതാ അവൾ !! അവളുടെ തണ്ടുകളിലെ മുള്ളുകളെ സൗന്ദര്യത്തിൻ്റെ  പരമോന്നത എന്നു ഉപമിച്ചപ്പോൾ , ഞാൻ അറിഞ്ഞു ,ആ മുള്ളുകൾ അവളിൽ ആഴ്ന്നിറങ്ങിയിരിക്കുന്നു ! ആ മുറിവുകളിൽ നിന്നുള്ള ചോര ആണ് അവൾക് ആ രക്തച്ചുവപ്പ് നൽകിയത്.പലതരം ജീവജാലങ്ങൾ അവളിൽ അഭയം തേടി.അവളുടെ ചോടുകളിൽ ഉറുമ്പിൻകൂട്ടവും  ഇല...

THE HEROES Under the frosty valley of Kargil, Suru flowed quietly Without any haste or delay Time never did his work on her She remembered it like yesterday!   The stories of the men, who marched up tiger hill, The ones with soldier hearts and God’s wisdom!   On the summer, along the cozy valley, Brave men marched to avenge the five, To restore their homeland’s glory They marched forth with fire, on the frozen earth Eyes glistening with thirst for victory They conquered the skies over the white ocean! Their   unified heartbeats lives through their country!   They promised to win at all costs And they won the battle with many loses! Some came back wrapped in tri The others adorned the heroes- On their shoulders with bitter proud! SAANIKA S LAL [A tribute to the martyr of kargil war! your legends will live forever in the hearts of every Indian!]  

SOMEBODY AND NOBODY One day I woke up And saw someone on my bedside,  she said somebody left And nobody came!   How wonderful? I lost somebody again! How wonderful that this time- I ran out of surprise faces and  She left the way she came!    I  Stood there half awake Waiting for everyone to wake And then we dressed in black, Mourned our treasured somebody!   She was the best of us! The little bundle of hope, She was the diamonds Of our dark-dark sky!   Ooh! Dear sister you left! Without goodbyes and thank yous! Without saltiness and bitter! You left the way you came!   We stood there staring at the end, For her to comeback as a ghost! A supernatural force free of- Pain and worries, she deserved that!   Now we are dressed in white, To welcome nobody! The mystery that arrived During somebody’s exile!   And there is so much to learn, So much to explore and understan...

HELPLESS The demons of my world look like me and talk like me! it is depressing to realize that I don't have have anything to say otherwise! sometimes I see an angel among us, most times I see   demons! It is confusing and tiring when you are not ready to believe the lie! most days I feel helpless with the ruins that we leave, It is so scary when our- eyes turn green with greed! I look like them, I walk like them I feel guilty for being one of them! Cause we are the elite being who forgot we don't know that much! I care too much, Its my curse I am sleepless with my aching heart! well, this is the human world, we never let things heal! The demons in this world look like me ,talk like me And I don't have anything to prove otherwise The demons I fear are my own kind! SAANIKA S LAL [ heloooi! welcome back ! yesterday I did an experiment which failed miserably!!😂 I didn't share my post link in my insta and whatsapp to see if anybody cared! And nobody did!😂😂 soo that wa...

TRAUMATIZING FALL It was a very dark room.Her voice was trembling when she called for help! The voice echoed in all directions and returned back to herself.There was no one around.Panic bubbled inside her, she was not familiar with the unknown.She was far to well pampered with predictability and planing!And the room was teaming with uncertainty and that scared her...a lot! Traumatizing fall! she laughed.How creative of her.She realized her wisdom was all from her imaginations and it was way far from real life.She had the nerve to explain something soo deep and dark with just two words! they satisfied the teenage romanticism of darkness and suffering. They thought suffering was love.They thought loyalty was sacrifice. They measured their love using the level of pain they went through! And can we blame ourselves for this mentality?  when grown adults created the "teenage life" contents that  intoxicated the youth with this idea. And here she was in the absolute darkness.Still b...

TO ALL THE SOULS I LOVE                         You are the raindrops, that always drizzled on me, you are the sunlight, who let me see everything! You are the ocean, you are the rain, you are the sun, you are the nature! You are everything  i ever wanted, you are more than  what I deserve! Cause you are the sunshine, the wind is you! you are the heartbeat - that keeps me going! All we ever wanted was someone who heard and thats what we-  did for each other! We are the imperfect match, the wind and storm! the rose and fire! the black and grey! "You are mine" is what i think every time  we talk! but I know I am just one under your shade! Cause you are the deep blue, I am just the fizzing white! you are the nature that keeps me going! I love you for who you are! and please don't ever change! cause there are many like me, who live to see you smile!  SAANIKA S LAL [!!!!DEDICATED TO THOSE WONDERFUL FANTASTIC...

THE SUN I am the sun, shining bright spreading warmness all around! I keep the darkness away so that the world can smile! I send my love in all directions I give my help and care!  I always made everyone - as wonderful as they could be! i have numerous friends! they call me from far away! they send their love back to me but the void forbid me from them! I am the sun, born to provide never to receive anything in return! I am  left out in the void to live my life in isolation! I am the God, I am the slave! I am the savior and the demon! fire is all I have , because I am fire the warmth and heat keeps me going! few  have wandered  in  to explore and reach out to me! Their journeys perished between me and the void! I am warmth ,I am love but I am fire, fire is all I know! so I hug them with my heat but they seem to burn in my hands! the more they loved the more I loved! And more their wings burned and turn to soot and ash! Alone is all I have It protect yo...

THE NUMBNESS There is this numbness inside my head it feel like there is no one inside! feelings feel intense and weird - and outside world a mystery! When I walk , its mechanical when I sit it is forced! I can wander off to galaxies, when I am just being me! I prefer lonesome more but I am scared of loneliness! I want to laugh more but- curving lips waters my eyes! It feels mundane and sad and it feels intricate and mad! it is confusing and amusing and nothing make sense! Smiling is exhausting and laughing hurts so much! joking is tiring and  having fun is impossible! My eyes are burning , my soul is parched! I want to wake up, but I never slept! It's just this numbness in my head, It feels like there is none inside! feelings feel intense and dark and outside world a mystery! SAANIKA S LAL [I used to consider myself a bundle of sunshine! I used to spread rainbows and unicorns left and right! I always saw life as a rainbow! I never in my wildest dream thought I would go through suc...

MUSIC OF THE VOID In the silence of my home, down the mystic stairways and past the ticking ol' clock, I heard something quite unusual! It was the silence of the silence, the music of the void! It was so beautiful when you- heard nothing but heard everything! Then my limbs moved like madness like they owned themselves! my heart rejoiced in the bliss and my confused brain followed along! I was dancing to the silence, in the oblivion of the world I just didn't cared about anything I was dancing on my own! And ooh! Lord it felt so good I tried all my best to be goofy! I sometimes did some sexy moves and laugh out loud when I failed! I felt proud and wonderful to own myself and do whatever I wanted! I no didn't cared what I did cause my soul was having a great time! And then the trance left and my senses-  came back to the so called normal! I hugged the floor in exhaustion as I laughed like a maniac! I paused there in awe as all the weights lifted It felt so good to be o...

FEARS My fears always outnumbered my angels,   they always know when to blow me down! they come out from the darkest holes- to give me another sleepless night! I was afraid,I was lost! but I never understood why! I was terrified, I was scared- as the darkness drenched my heart! well! they were creative! you should give them the praise! they made monsters and demons from the tiny dreads I had! They all hit me when I was low, they tortured me when I was weak! I used to hate them and I - always ran away from them! But one day , I fell down! I fell and fell until it almost felt like flying! And then came the glorious landing, and I shattered like a glass vase! It was the darkest hole.painfully cold! It was so dark ,I couldn't find myself! then they came my fears and I- braced myself for my nightmares! My shoulders sensed a cold grey touch- and I opened my eyes to inquire! there stood the monsters in a row who tormented me all my life! I tried to scream, but my throat was parched! ...

CHEWING GUM I hate chewing gums I hate them so much! where ever I go I see that weird blue thing in a human mouth! One day I went outside it was years before I hated gums, I way wonderful and sane until that thing stuck on my shoes! And then I saw that drooling mouth, chewing down that awful thing! then I saw that sickening eyes, which took over my sanity! And then that eyes walked away, pretending nothing ever happened- as I stood there with burning eyes not knowing what to feel! before leaving that mouth spit that awful thing down! I stared at that blue on the pavement primed to trouble someone else! Ooh! that day I scrubbed my shoes, I washed them  hard as I could! I cleaned them with all my might but that blue lingered on! Now I hate chewing gums I walk head down inspecting them! I hate them so much that   I still   - come home and wash my shoes! SAANIKA S LAL [well it is the truth.as sad and pathetic as it sounds our society homes such scoundrels,And t...